At this time, four years ago to the day, I was sleeping. Shortly before calling it a night, after spending hours scouring Michael Jackson fan sites for tidbits on the upcoming “This Is It” concerts, of which I had tickets to seven throughout July and August of 2009, I stumbled across a tweet from one of the tour’s makeup artists, Jeffrey Baum.
Baum had tweeted that in the late hours of June 24, the entire “This Is It” cast of dancers, including Jackson himself, had performed a stunning rehearsal of “Thriller” – complete with costumes, makeup and 3D visual effects.
Needless to say I went to bed on a high that night, excited beyond belief at the prospect of witnessing my idol live on stage. Opening night at the O2 Arena was less than three weeks away. In just two weeks I’d be boarding a London-bound plane from Sydney, Australia. It was a surreal thought; a delusion almost. But it was real.
I dreamed of Jackson that night, in all his glory, moonwalking to the thumping drums and driving bass of “Billie Jean” while proving all the naysayers wrong. The King of Pop would again rule the entertainment world for all the right reasons. It was a dream come true.
And then, I woke up.
A friend of mine, also a huge Michael Jackson fan, had recently taken a liking to pulling MJ-related pranks on me. “Dude, the new Michael Jackson single has leaked,” he’d say to me. “Follow this link and check it out. It’s amazing!” And of course, I did. I wasn’t going to miss out on hearing the new Michael Jackson single! But the links always lead to ridiculous images, among other things – none of which were a new Michael Jackson single.
At around 6.30am on the morning of June 26, 2009 (in Australia) my cell phone rang. It was my prankster friend. He’d woken me up and I wasn’t happy about it. I knew his call would be, as usual, MJ-related, so I reluctantly answered it.
“Dude, Michael Jackson has been taken to hospital with a heart attack and some of the news reports are claiming he’s dead,” he said.
“Huh?” I responded. “I don’t believe you. It’s too early for this. You’ve woken me. I’m hanging up.”
I threw my phone on the floor and rolled over to resume sleeping.
Seconds later he called back, and I ignored it. I was not in the mood for practical jokes at 6.30am.
After 30 seconds he hadn’t called back. It appeared he’d got the message, so I went back to sleep; but only for a couple of minutes.
When I heard the piercing ringtone of my house’s landline phone, I knew. No one calls the landline phone; only for emergencies. My energy, my spirit and my joy seemingly evaporated in an instant.
My mother answered the phone, then knocked on my bedroom door.
“Damien, there’s a call for you,” she said. “Okay,” I responded, before taking the phone from her.
“I am not joking this time, I promise,” insisted my friend. “This is serious, Damien. Get to your computer immediately. It’s out of control. They’re all saying it’s true. They’re saying he’s dead!”
I jumped from my bed and rushed franticly to the computer. I had to prove that this was not the case. Surely it had to be some kind of mistake. The media make up the most disgusting rumours about Michael Jackson every day. This had to be another grotesque, untrue rumour. It had to be!
But it wasn’t.
“This is hard,” said Michael’s brother Jermaine Jackson to a packed press conference at UCLA Medical Centre – broadcast live around the world. “My brother, the legendary King of Pop, Michael Jackson, passed away on Thursday June 25th 2009 at 2.26pm. It is believed he suffered cardiac arrest in his home.”
I fell to the floor, screaming and crying.
What I felt I already knew, had been confirmed. We’d lost him. The world had lost him. His children had lost their father. His family had lost their brother, their uncle, their son. His fans around the world had lost their hero. And for what; some concerts?
I was completely heartbroken. Shattered. Crushed. This man, who I never met, yet felt I knew intimately, and inspired me in every step of my journey through life, was gone.
I spent the next hour or so watching the non-stop news coverage, coming to terms with the brutal reality of the situation.
And then, a knock at the door.
“Hi, Damien? We understand you’re a big fan of Michael Jackson?”
“What the fuck?” I thought to myself, tears still rushing down my face.
A local television news crew including reporter and two cameramen were right there, at my front door, merely hours after Michael had been confirmed dead. I couldn’t believe it.
“We were hoping to get your thoughts on Michael Jackson’s death,” they proposed.
“I’m sorry. No. I can’t,” I spluttered, choking up every time I attempted to speak.
“Okay, I understand,” said the reporter. “Can you recommend another fan in the local area we could speak to?”
I paused for a second. Although I didn’t want to do it, I couldn’t bare the thought of them interviewing someone who wasn’t as passionate about Michael Jackson as I was. I truly loved Michael Jackson in every sense of the word. I knew that there were many, many people out there just like me. I felt that the public should see how much of an impact Michael’s life had made on his truest, most loyal fans; and how much his passing had affected us.
So, I invited the crew in. They set up their camera and their lights, and made small talk while doing so. Then we sat down for the interview.
I wiped the tears away and with all my strength sat tall and strong for the camera, ready to do Michael Jackson proud. Michael often told us that resilience was important. “Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it’s breaking.”
I was channeling my inner rhinoceros skin – and failing.
From the first question on, I burst into tears. We had to keep stopping, and starting over. Take after take for a just few simple questions. In the end, we gave up. They had a small amount of footage of me getting a sentence or two out, in which I explained that unless you were a fan in the way that I am, and that so many others are, you can’t begin to understand how we feel. That was enough for them and they ran with it.
After the failed interview they asked to see my room, to capture some filler footage of posters or CDs to show my level of fandom. The problem was, however, that I was moving house the next day. My entire collection of posters, music and memorabilia was packed away in boxes and mostly inaccessible, with the exception of a few albums and singles which I sprawled out across the dining table to please the crew.
“So we hear you dance like Michael Jackson too,” the reporter asked. “How about you dress up as MJ and dance around the living room for the camera?”
I was utterly offended.
“I think you’ve got enough footage,” I responded angrily, before escorting the crew out the door.
The footage that the crew had filmed was on-sold to other media outlets, quickly appearing in news reports all around the world – even in some documentaries you can buy at your local music store. I’ve received thank-you emails and messages of support from fans just like me in Germany, the United States, England and many other countries, who’d seen me crying my eyes out on their national news. They felt what I felt.
The reaction was unexpected to say the least, but it made me feel like I had done the right thing in allowing the crew inside to capture a piece of my broken heart.
Follow: twitter.com/damienshields
It’s so easy to wax poetic on the melodrama by deep diving into the context and the significance of his life and legacy. But in that moment on that day, there was none of that. There was just sadness and confusion. Thank you for describing that moment so eloquently.
I remember sitting down in front of the TV, winding for the day. There was breaking news that Michael had been taken to hospital. I did think it was a publicity stunt for the shows, or Michael trying to delay them.
I think it was when the reporter said hes in cardiac arrest that I thought this is not good. There was overhead news footage from helecopters showing guards in Michaels ground wiping their eyes. I remained glued to the TV, flicking through the news channels…..and then it came, one of the channels annouced that they had unconfirmed reports from TMZ that michael jackson is dead. I ran to my room. chocking back tears. I could not keep them in and burst out crying. I stayed up all night.
I think it had been a tough time for mj, following the 1993 allegations, the 2 marriage breakdowns, the baby daggling incident, the lack of promotion for Invicincible and falling out with Sony, the 2nd set of allegations. It was just a run of one bad decision or luck after another.
I was in primary school when thriller came out, secondary when dangerous came out, university when history was released. I think since Dangerous everyone had been waiting for a mega comeback like that of Bad, high profile, electrifying videos, the old magical Michael Jackson that we remember who people watched awestruck, but it never happened. What made his death even harder to accept is that it was so unnecessary.
I’ll take two quotes from Michael from Moonwalk “………..people thought that if I kept living in seclusion the way I was, I might die the way he (Elvis) did. The parallels arent there was far as i;m concerned and I was never much for scare tactics. Still the way Elvis destroyed himself interests me, because I dont ever want to walk those grounds myself” Michael Jackson.
Damien I dont know if you ever saw him live, but believe me the experience is unreal. You will never unstand by viewing videos. Despite people constantly criticising his appearance he actually looked like a mannequin in real life. Flawless skin. Lean, perfectly proportioned, the way the light gleemed of his jeri curls and sparkly jackets. His presence on stage was something else.
Oh how I wish the rumours that he faked his death were true, but I dont think he did. I just remember him from the 80s and then remember that night and think, how did it end up like this.
Damien et al: Thanks so much for these sad remembrances, and your expressions of love for this magnificent person.
I have a question: do you know, or know of, anybody who had no particular interest in Michael Jackson while he lived, but became a devoted fan after he died? People who describe sort of being “hit over the head” by a wave of energy, or something inexplicable, in the days and weeks following his death, and then came to love him? This is what happened to me and a handful of other people I’ve met online. (Mind you, none of us had ever paid much attention to Michael, one way or the other, during his whole career). Just wondering.
You make Michael proud every day.
I hope you feel his love shining down on you today.
Because fans are not only captivated by his incredible singing voice and flawless moves, but by his soul, that he shined out to the world.
Love lives forever.
We love you, Michael.
I know that same heartbreak….
Four years have passed, and still to this day, the pain of that day lives in my soul and lies just beneath the surface every minute of every day.
Last week, standing before the doors of Holly Terrace, holding a pair of perfectly exquisite red and white roses representing the eternal love I feel and the purity of his soul, the ache was overwhelming… Peering through the closed French door, down that long dark corridor to the backlit stained glass windows cradling his last resting place, the agony was uncontainable, and sobs once again rocked my entire being, as if he’d just died.
“You shouldn’t be in there, Michael! Oh God!!! Why?!! Why??!!! Why’d he have to die?!!!!”
My life will forever be torn in two: my existence before and after June 25th, 2009
I just found your website. I cried so hard when I read this entry. It brought back such horrible memories of that day. The day my heart died along with the one that I’ve always loved.
I ended up here on a melancholy trip…I was a fan when he was alive. I remember you from the forum you used to be a team member of, I knew you as the impersonator from Australia. I remember you crying on TV the day after he died – that was one of the few things that I was able to watch after he died. I haven’t watched anything else after his death – not his memorial, not This is it documentary, not his funeral – nothing. And I swore to myself I’ll never ever watch anything
For me the new music, the new documentaries etc – they make no sense without him. I refuse to watch anything that reminds me of him, I only sometimes dig into old memories like I’m doing now
I’ll leave now telling you that you are a wonderful fan and a wonderful person…and I miss the old times very much, the way I’m sure every old fan does
First of all thank you for this magnificent blog, i just found it yesterday, but i’m so glad i did! Ever since Michael died i searched for a website who had lot of news even though our hero passed away. And this is just what i was looking for. This entry touched my heart, brought tears to my eyes. Still to this day i remember like it was yesterday.
I’m from Holland and in the middle of the night i received a text message that Michael was taking to the hospital, half sleeping i went to my computer to take a look, but i was like, oke whatever, shouldn’t be that bad. So i went to sleep again. On 6.30 in the morning i received a message from a friend saying ” RIP Michael”. I sat straight in my bed and was like “WHAT????” I Jumped out of bed and ran to the computer, and then i saw it.
I rushed downstairs (still living at home) and woke my mum. She also got out of bed straight away and grabbed the newspaper, and there it was… I remember falling on the floor, crying like i was a little child, i couldn’t believe it. But i did not have time to mourn, because i had to go to work. Oh my god that was the longest day of my life. We weren’t allowed to use computers or cell phones there. So the whole day i had to work without any news. I don’t know how i got home (still had to drive 45 minutes) but i think i never drove that fast. Finally i could see what was going on, my god it was like the world crashed down all over again.
Still to this day not a day goes by without thinking of him. I think i never been more a fan than the last 4 years. I always loved him and grew up with him and as many others he influenced my life in so many ways. His love for everything in the world and how we could make it a better place. The messages he gave us. But after he passed away it became so much more intense.
I believe that everything happends for a reason. And it became very clear to me, that even though he’s gone, his message has become so much greater then when he was alive. Everybody all of a sudden knew who he was and what he was all about. Even the children of this generation now know who he is and becoming a fan. So his legacy will never be forgotten.
For me it already started with the announcement of This is it. After a few years of not paying much attention to Michael for he was not much in the publicity. Finally i could see him again! Everything came back, and then he was gone… But i’m glad to read that still so many people are touched by him. I don’t know much people who love him the way that i do, so it’s good to read that there are others like me, who try to get his message into the world.
Thank you for your beautiful words.
Roxanna
を取得するために| 必要必要されるものすべて| 好奇心の不思議 |オフトピック場合、私はこれを知っているが、私は私自身のブログウェを開始するに探していたと?私はあなたのようなブログはかなりの費用がかかるだろう有すると仮定していますか?私は今ではない、非常にインターネット 精通私は100%ではないです正。任意の提案やアドバイスをいただければ幸いです。 それを感謝
一部予約販売 最新アイテムを海外通販 http://lavueltaaltachira.com
このウェブサイトのブログなどの兄推奨 I かもしれない。彼かつて 完全完全右。この 本当に私の一日行わ。あなたはすることはできません 情報情報どのはるかに多く私はこのために費やしていた時間| ただただ 想像! おかげで、ありがとうございました!
最新アイテムを海外通販 一部予約販売 http://lcun.jp
このウェブサイトのブログなどの兄推奨 I かもしれない。彼た 完全完全右。この 実際私の一日行わ。あなたはすることはできません 情報情報どの 私はこのために費やしていた時間| ただただ ! おかげで、ありがとうございました!
店内全品ポイント10倍 国内即発 http://endzone-games.com
誰もが、それはだ私の最初の見に行く こんにちはこれをウェブサイト、と 実際にあるこれらの私}をサポートするために、{などを投稿追いつきます記事。
国内即発 送料無料 クリスマス http://gezondmetbionano.nl